Blurts and Inspiration

I've been trying to do morning pages when I can - and if I do - to do them immediately as I wake up.

This morning I woke from a dream. I did my morning pages and then overturned the room looking for a sketch pad. There I doodled without trying to be "good"! I just got the ideas out. I asked questions and answered them on the page. I played. I wanted to get the idea out. 

And there it was. Was it a painting? Hmm, in some ways that would have been easier and also harder. Was it a piece of sculpture? I like to work in 3D. It needed a sound-scape to tell the story. So how would that work with a 3D sculpture? Maybe. But it would be amazing if it was mechanised! I sat back from the doodles and notes.

And then it came to me! It was none of the above and it was all of them! It was an animation!

The last few days with getting back to drawing I hadn't paid attention to blurts. Those nasty negative beliefs that are only that - beliefs. And beliefs, like opinions, can be changed!

In my morning pages I heard the parrot's blurts. "You can only draw/work from life" "You are so literal"

Well working from life/nature is a wonderful talent! Its also an inspiration that, like the leaf on the tree, has infinite variations of itself. So the parrot is totally barking up the wrong tree there! (Oh did I just pun and mix up cliché?)

But there has been that old gem of a blurt also "You have no original ideas". But besides blurts there has been a genuine desire to compose in an non literal fashion.

And this morning it was there in my dream. This image. That started with disgust and as I teased it out became more and more poignant to where I am, to what I have been going through the last few weeks (and maybe years).

It wasn't literal either. I couldn't beat myself up with that blurt. On top of all these revelations I also had a starter for an art form I have long been fascinated with and wanted to try.

I asked the question and the answer came; the beauty of asking questions and listening for the answers. I also didn't have to push or squeeze my eyebrows together to achieve it! It emerged like a feather cascading down from an endless blue sky. (Where it came from I don't know but I do know that there are plenty more feathers up there... Or maybe even whole birds flying around!)

Perfect Enough

So I started drawing again the other day. I was on total rest with a viral infection in my lungs and looking for something low impact and creative to keep me going.

A revelation struck me; I haven't sketched for enjoyment for years. I left art college in 2005 and I had no desire to pick up a paint brush or sketching pencil since then. (And I probably had no desire to do so in the final few moths there either.) 

What really struck me was this; that the very place I went to in order to invest in my art drained  from me every bit of joy I had for art. 

The whys are "whatever"s now. What is interesting now is the sense of pressure I feel when I draw. Gone are the carefree days of drawing for hours as a child just because I liked it. It has to have a purpose and to be successful. The race for perfection and "The Fear" arises again. It doesn't have to be perfect - and if it was perfect it would be awful!  

In art college there was a woman there who worked as the caretaker of the building. Someone was going on about getting a project perfect and she responded "That's the problem with you lot (students). You always want it to be perfect. If you just got into the mindset of "perfect enough" you would be a lot happier!" So here is my challenge. Is to find things "perfect enough". To stop pushing and just enjoy - otherwise whats the point!  

"The Child" Mask

"The Child" 

Character Half Mask

Finished - Titanium Buff Base

Clay Mould

The Child was inspired by a set of masks in the Actor's Space. These were a family of masks designed for a theatre performance. I worked with the baby and I wished to explore the possibility of creating a mask which might go somewhere towards a pre-teen age group. 

I started with the basic plaster of Paris mould of my face which I had made the winter before. To this I added quite a thick layer of clay. I covered in the eyes as an experiment as I had not worked that way before. This would mean I would cut the eyes once it had dried. 

I used a picture of my niece and my own face as a primary resource for the structure. I was also inspired by a monologue I had written the year before. It is written from the perspective of an eight year old boy. 

Paper Layer

Discoveries

It was difficult to cut the eyes afterwards. It was quite uncomfortable to wear and needed a lot of foam to make it comfortable. Next time I will experiment with building the mask around the eyes in the design and so leaving space in the eye sockets for the eyes. 

The thick layer of clay produces a mask which is far too high and so again is uncomfortable for this reason. I will experiment with a thinner layer of clay all over next time. 

The painting is a joy. I went through "the fear" with this mask. "The Fear" strikes at the beginning of every creative project for me. With  mask-making it begins again with the painting stage. 

The fear seems to subside a little once I start to get a decent amount of paint on to it.  Again the use of finger blending on the masks produces the best effect in my books. Maybe it is the effect of human touch on an inanimate object that breaths more life into it. Or maybe it is the slow methodical obsessiveness that appeals to me. 

I decided to paint on the eyebrows so this was a new challenge for me. Again the fear surfaced somewhat here too but I continued on. I referred to the picture of my niece as support here. Her soft childlike eyebrows are very different from mine so it really helped to take inspiration from nature.