Eddie Izzard changed my life. I saw a sketch of his about being a transvestite(TV) when I was in my teens. He hid it for so long and denied it when confronted with it. He was subjected to ridicule and beatings. One day when confronted he wearily replied – “Yes, I’m a transvestite”. People stopped bothering him – “Oh okay” and said no more.
He laid himself bare, said to those watching – Yes this is who I am. Like me or loath me but this is who I am.
When I became sick in early twenties I took on Eddie’s approach to my illness. I could have tried to hide away from people’s questions but my illness is so all-encompassing that I would have had to hide away from people completely. So I was open and honest.
In that time I have had to judge what motivated peoples’ curiosity. Some people are genuinely interested and want to learn more. Others simply view you as an oddity, something to be talked about at the lunch table in work the next afternoon – I met this girl who has X and it does X to her!
In the main, I have found my honesty has paid off. I have dispensed with shame and fear and met them head on. I have been clear in how my illness affects me, how debilitating it can be, and, most importantly for me, I have never sought sympathy.
One of my favourite sayings throughout my twenties was “Failure is so liberating” – I have “failed” at so much of what our society holds in esteem. And yet I maintain that I am one of the luckiest people going. Hiding, fear, feeling shame – are precious energy wasted. Go forth and shout your “secrets” from the roof tops!
No comments:
Post a Comment